Outgrowing Friendships

In life, there come periods where change is inevitable.

Nothing can stay the same forever. That includes our circle of friends. Friendships are based on commonalities, not just whether you like each other or not. When those common interests begin to fall away, it means that growth is happening to one, the other, or hopefully both parties.

Growth is the natural order of things. As we age, we change. As we explore the world we find new exciting things that trip our fancy, we form opinions based on our experiences, we work on ourselves letting go of old baggage that doesn’t serve us any longer.

Friends will sometimes remark “you’ve changed” and mean it in a not so nice fashion. Take it as a compliment. It means you haven’t been remaining stagnant. Whether your friend approves or not is inconsequential.

Friends are wonderful things. It is important to have people in your world who genuinely care about you and your wellbeing and vice versa. All friendships aren’t meant to last a lifetime though. It may feel strange or uncomfortable to feel like you should walk away and leave someone in your past, but it is a natural occurrence in life and will happen time and time again. It doesn’t mean you no longer care about them or that they didn’t play a major role in your life for a time.

What it means is that we all are destined to walk our own path and not everyone is meant to follow along. They have their own trail to go down too. If you feel like you have outgrown your friend or group of friends, it’s likely you have. Wish them well and continue on your way.

Clearing room in your social circle opens up space energetically for new better-suited matches to arrive in your life.

Be excited to see who is next.

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Don’t Just Deal with Stress – Eliminate it!

In a world filled with alarm clocks, rush hour traffic, deadlines that must be met, bills to pay and mouths to feed – multitasking, sleep deprivation and stress have become the norm.

Everyone has “one of those days” once in a while. But when stress invades and takes over your world becoming a way of life something needs to change. The human body was not meant to operate on coffee and adrenaline on a daily basis. This type of fast pace high-pressure lifestyle takes its toll on your health, your emotional and spiritual well-being as well as your relationships.

What is stress? – Stress is any physical, chemical, or emotional factor that causes the body mentally or physically to be in a state of unrest. But what can you do about it? Quite a bit it turns out! I am going out on a limb to make a controversial and shocking statement. Here goes…are you ready? YOU are creating your life. Pure and simple. Because of this, YOU are the only one who can change it and free yourself from this crazy pace that is taking a toll on your very existence.

“What? No, you just don’t understand” you may think to yourself… “It’s not MY fault, it can’t be. I am not the one causing me all this stress it’s my boss, husband, kids, mother in law, insert another possible scapegoat here____.”

While it is true that you cannot control anyone else’s actions, what you can control is your reaction to them.

The first step in eliminating stress from your life on a permanent basis is to start with the basic concept that you are in fact 100% responsible for your life.  Once you do that, you can see clearly what (and sometimes who) is not in your best interest to keep. We know this is a big step for some, but by doing this you not only take responsibility you take back control.

Step two is changing your outlook. What is it that we all want out of life? A new car? A nice house? A vacation to Tahiti? Well, sure. We all like those things. But why? What is at the core of wanting these material items and experiences?

It’s happiness, joy, relaxation, and excitement! I think we can all agree that what we all want most is simple. We want to feel good.

Here are a couple of exercises to help:

When you wake up first thing in the morning jump out of bed and declare out loud “Today is going to be a fantastic day!” You may feel like a complete buffoon doing this at first, and even like you are lying to yourself. It’s ok to feel silly, humor us and do it anyway. Your subconscious hears you and cannot differentiate between the truth and a lie, it believes everything you say to be truth and so accepts it as fact. Believe your day will be fantastic and it will be.

Another very helpful idea is to make a Gratitude List. Any piece of paper will do, just write down everything you have in your life that you feel grateful for. You will be amazed at how much actually ends up on your list. The more you focus on the positive, the more positive you will draw into your life. And in turn, the better you will feel overall!

Some of us start from such a chaotic low place it’s not easy for us to shift to feeling good. Ok, we get that, your goal should be to just feel as good as you can right now. Do something nice for yourself. Take a “me” moment. Go for a walk, have a coffee, just let the world fall away for a minute and allow yourself to be at the center of your world and really be in present time. After all, if you don’t take the time and care for yourself, who will?

Changing the way that you think is no easy task. It takes practice, for the mind is like a child with attention deficit disorder. It runs amuck from thought to thought, making order and serenity difficult at best. Meditation is a good way to practice quieting the mind. Take some time out without distractions and turn on some calm soothing music and just “be” in the stillness. Allow your mind to wander but with the focused intent of being calm and clear and just breathe. With time and practice, you will be able to clear your mind of all thought and you will achieve a serene feeling that will stay with you.

In recent years we have been conditioned in the workplace that in order to succeed we have to do a million things at once and do them correctly. That is a lot of pressure! This is in fact, is not what successful people do. Successful people do one thing at a time with intent and with focus. They use a to-do list not on the computer or on a palm pilot but on good old fashioned paper with a pen or pencil, scratching things off and moving along. Why? Because it’s tactile. It becomes more easily engrained in your mind making it easier to remember.

In order to lead a low-stress existence, let’s summarize:

  1. Take responsibility for your life. By doing so you take back control.
  1. Change our outlook, the old saying “fake it till you make it” is more than true. It’s very difficult to be sad when your face is smiling.
  1. Clear your life of things that stress you out – if you don’t like your job –get another one. The same is to be said for personal relationships – if they are beyond repair, love the other person enough and yourself enough to appreciate it for what it was and what you have learned from them and let it go.
  1. Take time for yourself – be nice to yourself. You are important!
  2. Clear your mind and allow peace to become a part of your daily life and realize that you deserve it.
  1. Organize – When everything is in its proper place it brings balance to both the heart and mind.
  1. Just breathe – oxygen is very important for the body and most of us breathe way too shallowly. Make sure to breathe from your diaphragm – your shoulders should remain still.

Stress is a top cause of many illnesses as it manifests itself in the body in numerous ways – high blood pressure, anxiety, heart attacks, headache, cancer, depression and many others. Taking steps today to simplify and distress your life could save your health and your life tomorrow.

For classes and one on one sessions that can help alleviate stress and help you relax and gain balance back in your life, visit Monarch Wellness www.monarchwellness.net.

Originally Posted: http://monarchwellness.net/2017/02/stress/

SELF SABOTAGE

Our lives are a reflection of our how we feel about and what we believe of ourselves. It’s often times easier to look around and see a world in chaos and blame that for the issues in our own lives. The problem with that is it is not only false, that belief also keeps you powerless because so long as the problems are “Someone else’s fault”… You can’t do a darn thing to fix them. It’s immobilizing and can be life halting.

Often times when we end up in a bad situation, whatever it may be, the easiest thing is to point the finger and declare that “I cannot believe so and so did this to me!” In reality, every situation, no matter how screwed up is self created and at the very least co-created with that other party.

That fact has been a tough one to face at times in my own life as I have gotten into some precarious situations I would far rather have owned no part of the responsibility in. Ultimately though, no one got me there but me. Likewise, no one else could get me back.

Self sabotage is never done purposefully and rarely even consciously. It is very often done in the name of self-sacrifice and in an attempt to help or save other people. The intent is viewed as good, even at times altruistic. After all, who on earth would want to make bad decisions for themselves that would harm their life and well-being? No one.

Subconsciously, however, is a whole other ball of wax. Underneath this outer veneer we show the world, and often times ourselves, lies our base primal thoughts and programming. They are what drive us on an instinctual reaction based level.

What phrases or words do you hear in your mind? What thoughts do you think repetitively? They can be things said by parents, friends, enemies, random strangers, whomever. It can even be opinions you have formed about yourself over time… certain thoughts and core level beliefs are there, ingrained and stuck on loop.

Are you holding on to anger, resentment, fear? If you find yourself constantly in a state of feeling like your life is out of control and going in the wrong direction, I can almost guarantee you are subconsciously sabotaging yourself.

How do you change that?

Being brave enough and caring about yourself enough to want to heal is the first step. Being open to facing yourself, truthfully, come what may, is vital. There are no right or wrong answers or feelings here. Like life, it’s all just a learning and growing experience. We are all perfect in our own unique state of imperfection. We are works in progress and self-acceptance which leads to self-love is key.

I have read tons of articles that seem to believe that you can change your behaviors based purely in purposely correcting your thoughts. While I view this as helpful, unless you can root out the core of where that thought came from in the first place and release it I don’t see how it can ever truly be healed. That approach seems more like a bandaid than some good stitches and soothing salve.

One of the best courses I have found on this subject is a DailyOm.com course by the late Debbie Ford. “Overcoming self-sabotage” is an 8 week audio meditation course that helps you to relax and access easily the information from within that you are looking for.

Click Here for the course if you are interested

Topics covered are:

  • Overcoming Self Sabotage
  • Taking Inventory of Your Biggest Life Lessons
  • Breaking Through Toxic Emotions
  • Discovering Your Unmet Needs
  • Breaking the Trance of Denial
  • Maybe You’re Just Hurt
  • Uncovering Unconscious Patterns
  • Feeling Safe in the Face of Fear
  • The Destruction of Hidden Rage
  • Are Your Excuses Keeping You Stuck?
  • The Gifts of Standing in Your Power
  • The Sacred State of Surrender
  • Making Peace with Your Pain
  • Healing the Split Between Ego and Spirit

I did this course myself several years back and was amazed at things that came up I was still holding onto that I had thought I had long gotten over.

Set your intent to allow the release of all that is no longer serving your best and highest good, with ease and grace. 

Let the old fall away and make room for a new better life and a new happier you.

Originally Published: http://www.ibmsmasters.com/component/content/article/15-profiles/32-sarahbarendse

Enriching Your Life By Giving

The perception of wealth has mistakenly become all about what we have and what we can get on a material level. True wealth is measured in richness of life and of the heart. It is boosted not by what we get but by what we give and whom we help.

You don’t have to be well off financially to give of yourself. In many social experiments it has been found that those who have the least tend to give the most because they know what it is like to go without.

A few years back I came across a book that I haven’t been able to forget. “29 Gifts – How a Month of Giving Can Change Your Life” by Cami Walker.

One month after her wedding day, 33-year-old Cami Walker was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, and the life she knew changed forever. Cami was soon in and out of L.A.’s emergency rooms with alarming frequency as she battled the neurological condition that left her barely able to walk and put enormous stress on her marriage. Each day brought new negative thoughts:

“I’m going to end up in a wheelchair… My life is over.

“Why did this have to happen to me?”

Then, as a remedy for her condition, Cami received an uncommon prescription from a friend, an African Medicine Woman named Mbali Creazzo. The prescription was simply to give away 29 gifts in 29 days.

“By giving,” Mbali told her, “you are focusing on what you have to offer others, inviting more abundance into your life.”

The gifts, she said, could be anything, but their giving had to be both authentic and mindful. At least one gift needed to be something she felt was scarce in her life.

Cami was amazed by what unfolded during her month-long journey. Not only did her state of mind improve but her health did as well.

I myself will be doing this challenge starting July 1st, 2015. I would like to invite you, our readers, to join me.

Gifts can be anything including a nice gesture – those are free and we never run out. This world needs more kindness. If we want the world to change, we have to start with ourselves.

To learn more go to www.29gifts.org