Outgrowing Friendships

In life, there come periods where change is inevitable.

Nothing can stay the same forever. That includes our circle of friends. Friendships are based on commonalities, not just whether you like each other or not. When those common interests begin to fall away, it means that growth is happening to one, the other, or hopefully both parties.

Growth is the natural order of things. As we age, we change. As we explore the world we find new exciting things that trip our fancy, we form opinions based on our experiences, we work on ourselves letting go of old baggage that doesn’t serve us any longer.

Friends will sometimes remark “you’ve changed” and mean it in a not so nice fashion. Take it as a compliment. It means you haven’t been remaining stagnant. Whether your friend approves or not is inconsequential.

Friends are wonderful things. It is important to have people in your world who genuinely care about you and your wellbeing and vice versa. All friendships aren’t meant to last a lifetime though. It may feel strange or uncomfortable to feel like you should walk away and leave someone in your past, but it is a natural occurrence in life and will happen time and time again. It doesn’t mean you no longer care about them or that they didn’t play a major role in your life for a time.

What it means is that we all are destined to walk our own path and not everyone is meant to follow along. They have their own trail to go down too. If you feel like you have outgrown your friend or group of friends, it’s likely you have. Wish them well and continue on your way.

Clearing room in your social circle opens up space energetically for new better-suited matches to arrive in your life.

Be excited to see who is next.

Discordant Energy

While friends don’t always need to agree on everything there comes a point in many friendships where there just isn’t enough left in common to maintain the bond. Discord becomes the key element and you find yourself being off-put by that person’s energy rather than drawn in as you used to be. It doesn’t mean you don’t care about them anymore or that any love you had for them is gone, it does sometimes mean that you may both be better off moving on in life, separately.

Life is to be enjoyed harmoniously with the universe and with others. Anything that seems in opposition to that needs to be released for your own highest good as well as that of the other person.

You know your healed when…

Music is powerful. It’s one of the things on earth that has a profound effect on all of us. Songs have meaning. When we go through a transition in life that is traumatic or painful we often relate to certain songs. They illicit feelings and emotions we may not want to face or deal with. Yet every time that certain song or songs come on, it rips that band-aid right off again.

Its said that time heals all wounds. That’s semi-true. I think you also need to actively work on letting stuff go. You know you are on the right track to healing and moving forward when you can listen to the same songs that were once heart wrenching and not feel that internal awful tug but instead just appreciate it as music once again.

Life is about growth and progress. This is just an interesting marker.

Directions for a Happy Easy Flowing Life

As humans, I think we have a tendency to over think things.

We are so smart, we seem to outsmart ourselves.

We spend endless amounts of time pondering rather than feeling our way through things and actually acting on those feelings.

Why?
I have no idea.
Do you?

I think it may very well be a trained behavior
. As kids the advice most of us received was “Now (fill in your name), you want to think about this before you decide….” Our parents and advisers most certainly meant well. But decisions based on logical thought vs. gut intuition aren’t always in our best interest. We really can talk ourselves into pretty much anything, given enough time.

By adulthood most of us realize that in our lives, the times we have ignored “that little inner voice” (call it your higher self, inner self, God, The Universe, intuition – choose your label), things go terribly wrong.

Yet, even in consciously realizing this, we still question it.
We choose often “rational” thought over gut feeling.

It takes time and practice to be guided by intuition. Feelings are a gift. They are intended to be our GPS in life. Stop over complicating things.

Directions for a happy easy flowing life:

1. If it makes you happy or feel positive about yourself and the situation around you?
KEEP DOING IT!

2. If it makes you unhappy or feel badly about yourself or the situation around you?
STOP DOING IT.

Can’t believe it’s that easy?
Try it and see what results you get.

 

The Art of Non-Attachment

We all want the very best for friends and family. Many of us have a tendency to take on other people’s problems as if they were our own. We do it out of love, but ironically it can often lead to codependency in relationships as well as self-neglect. I speak from experience in this. My natural inclination in life has been to try and “save” the world, especially those closest to me. Unfortunately, I have found it just doesn’t work that way.

 

It is difficult to watch someone make, what you believe to be, bad decision after bad decision leading his or her life in a negative or non-progressing direction. We want to intervene, even at times – to grab them and shake them and say “what are you doing!?” and literally shove them in a better direction.

 

What we have to realize is that as much as we love or care about them that no one can make decisions for them. The only person who can rescue them… is them.

 

Why do I call Non-Attachment an art?

 

I call it an art because as easy as the concept is, it takes years, sometimes lifetimes to master.

 

It is easy to be jokingly callous and step back saying “Not my circus, not my monkeys”. But it’s heart wrenching and unnerving at times to pull back, relinquish the illusion of control, and simply allow that person and situation to be what it is and to work itself out.

Now in saying this I do not at all mean withdraw love or support.

A simple “I am still here and I love you.” Is one of the best statements of caring you can make to another person. There is no better gift than that of unconditional love. In that gift it allows the other person to know that it is ok to try – succeed or fail, you won’t think less of them and you will still be there.

 

This also allows you the mental and emotional space you need in order to take care of yourself. Getting lost in another person’s issues, regardless of love, is never healthy.

 

In order for anyone to reclaim their life and get it “Back on Track” that drive and power have to come from within. Owning responsibility for their decisions and their actions will lead them to a place of control and from that feeling of self empowerment comes both self esteem and the start of self love.

Written for: The Alberta Street News – Back on Track Column. Columnist: Sarah J. Barendse


Are you successful?

Are you successful?
Somehow this phrase has gotten twisted in people’s minds and what is often heard is:

“Are you financially well off?”

 

I measure success in happiness, health, quality of life, family, friends and relationships and experiences.

 

I enjoy my time here on earth (for the most part) (everyone has their days), and spend my time doing things I enjoy with people I care about.

 

I listen to my intuition and inner guidance and if something doesn’t feel right? – I stop doing it.

 

I live my life based in the idea that if I am enjoying life (and not hurting anyone) it is the right direction for me.

 

I lead my life based in feeling rather than thought and being bogged down by the over thinking mind.

 

Success to me is allowing myself to be vulnerable and open enough to really connect with other people, to let them see me as I am and to really listen and do the same with them.

 

Success is being there as a friend when people need me.. and in turn they are there for me.

 

Success is waking up and feeling good about myself and grateful for every thing that I have.

 

Success is being able to be present in the now and appreciate what is rather than always wishing for what could be.

 

Success is allowing all feelings fully no matter how uncomfortable because I know that stifling them leads to disaster.

 

Success is doing what I feel is right vs. just what is easy.

 

Success is being fully me no matter what anyone thinks.

 

Interestingly because I don’t live in the mindset of lack but rather abundance, money always does seem to show up when I need it.

 

When I was little my mom would reach in the glove box of the car at garage sales, find a few dollars, and declare “We’re rich!” so? I thought we were rich! Life, money, all of it – is about perception.

Living from a mindset of lack and holding tightly to money creates stagnant energy. Giving freely with out fear to help others opens you up energetically to attract more abundance into your life. We are always divinely supported – we just have to allow it. What I put out there, money or other wise has always come back to me.

 

So when someone asks “Sarah, are you successful?”

 

My answer is a resounding yes.
Every day in every way I am getting better and better and better.