A compromise against yourself is forged when you give in to the will of another. You decide against your own better judgment and inner voice to do something that goes against what you feel. You will know it because you feel it. Whatever you are doing simply feels wrong for you.
Yet? We find ourselves doing it anyway.
It can be an effort to avoid conflict or to make another person happy. But aren’t making yourself happy.
Compromise in certain situations is necessary. But if you find you are doing this a lot – the result will be that you are straying from your own path.
This can lead to anxiety, fear, anger, resentment, depression, and worse.
It’s lovely to make people happy. Just don’t do it at the expense of your own.
The PAST: Many have had very painful and traumatic experiences. No one wants to go through that kind of stuff. (and I am very sorry for the suffering). The fact remains though that each experience in our lives has helped to shape who we are.
In order to gain full acceptance and love for ourselves, we have to be able to integrate the dark and the light.
There is not one person on this planet who has not suffered and though some are more extreme than others, pain isn’t up for comparison. We all experience pain differently. Pain is pain.
Hate, anger, resentment, even a want for revenge give your power away to whomever or whatever hurt you on an ongoing daily basis. The way to break free is to take that power back. You cannot change the past. You can only go from here. Shift your focus to the present because it is the ONLY time that ever exists.
Show yourself the love you may have been lacking. The respect, the care. It is time to take care of YOU.
Self-sabotage should be the last thing anyone does, but it’s the most likely! You’re invited to watch the AHA Process to End Self Sabotage and learn how to stop self-sabotaging behavior.
Please enter your email address and see the video instantly. You’ll also get free articles and tutorials with the iNLP Center newsletter.
This is the worst part of self-sabotaging behavior:
It’s so easy to justify.
…one argument, one trip to the fridge, one beer—and in the moment, they may even seem helpful. But like a river eroding away rocks, self-sabotage creates a Grand Canyon of self-defeat from which it’s hard to climb out.
~ Scientific American
Right? We slip into it without a second thought. In the heat of the moment, we want it. Self-sabotaging behaviors seem like the right thing to do at the time. It may even feel impossible to stop.
What is self-sabotage?
It’s when you get in your own way. And it’s hard to pin down.
Giving up on a goal
Obsessing about a goal
Not speaking up
Talking too much
Breaking a diet
They’re all self-sabotage. And none of them are. It all depends. And if you really want to get confused, try pinning down the points of view that sabotage you and create self-fulfilling prophecies.
Stopping self-sabotage requires starting somewhere. The AHA Process to End Self-Sabotage video is the first step. Please enter your email address below to get started. The only thing you have to lose is freedom, if you move on without giving the video a few moments. More than 100,000 people have watched it since 2014. We still get feedback from viewers every day. It’s powerful.
Why you should take notes on this video:
If you are self-sabotaging, get your notepad. Write down new insights during the video. Some have called it a missing link in mental health and personal development. That sounds over the top to us. Still,
How is the AHA Process different?
In a world of shallow promises and quick-fix techniques, real solutions are hard to find. Self-sabotage is not a shallow issue. The solution isn’t shallow either. Yet, we present the AHA Process in an easy-to-follow way. You’ll see the concept and hear some simple stories. And it can change your whole feeling about self-sabotage.
Have you ever changed when you learned something that never occurred to you? Take notes. You’re about to discover the “never occurred to you” of self-sabotaging thoughts and behavior.
7 More Self-Sabotage Resources (Most Are free)
You can get a free book on the hidden cause of self-sabotage. Your Achilles Eel: It’s a strange little book. Check it out. If you don’t like it, we’re sure you’ll agree it’s different!
2. Peter Michaelson’s website is full of unique insights. Peter was instrumental in teaching us the underpinnings of self-sabotaging behavior. We’ll always be grateful for his deep expertise and encouragement.
Without realizing it, we make inner choices to feel deprived or refused – or helpless, criticized, rejected, betrayed, or abandoned. Doing this defies common sense, but our unconscious mind operates on irrational, not rational, principles.
The underlying cause of self sabotage is a psychological attachment.
Here’s an important book unrelated to self sabotage. But M. Scott Peck’s view of discipline, love, and grace is essential to overcoming self-defeating behaviors. If you haven’t read The Road Less Traveled yet, now is the time!
Like the iNLP Center Facebook Page. This may be a shameless promotion, but you’ll get updates on new posts and research. We certify life coaches and teach Neuro-Linguistic Programming. Self-sabotage is a primary area of focus in our personal growth work.
Don’t give up. I searched for 20 frustrating years for the answer to a simple question:
Why don’t people (myself included) apply what they already know?
Thanks, Nike. You’re right. Do it.
“Yeah, but that’s the problem, isn’t it?” I would reply. “No one is just doing it!”
That got some laughs, and then…nothing. I never pushed further, but the questions plagued me. Why don’t I just do it? What’s wrong with me? Will it ever be different?
The AHA Process to End Self-Sabotage Has Answers
At long last, I understand why we don’t apply what we already know. When I get in my own way, I can get out. And I know how to handle not wanting to get out of my own way. The solution to self-sabotage has changed my life (no, I’m not perfect). I hope your life will change, too (but don’t expect perfection).
Join us and watch our free video. I’ve put too many forms on this page, so this is your last chance:) See you on the other side.
My grandmother gave me this wise bit of advice when I had my first job at 15 as a housekeeper at a rural Vermont bed and breakfast.
Society promotes the idea that in order to ‘be somebody’, you must hold a high vocation and be paid astronomical sums of money.
The truth is – every job is needed, or it would not exist. Every person working is essential to the overall picture. No one job is going to make you more important of a person than the next. That is unless that is how you see yourself.
How you see yourself becomes how others see you. What they see is a reflection of what you see and feel about your own self.
Take pride in your job and your work no matter what you are doing, even if it isn’t your dream job at the moment. A truly “small person” takes no pride in their work and feels ashamed or lowered by the very act of doing it. There is never reason for this.
Know that you are important and, just as importantly, in turn take the time to acknowledge that everyone IS someone.
The Happily Ever Now Extended Workshop – Various Dates
If would like to participate further in our May 7th, 2018 “Happily Ever Now” webinar, then this 6 hour follow up course is for you. Work through Happily Ever Now with Dr. Ianniello, and rewrite the blueprint of your life. This is a 2 part event.
Part I Part 1 covers the first two divisions of the book.
1. Adrenals and Hormonal Health
2. Conquering the Mother Theresa Syndrome
Part II Part 2 covers the third and fourth divisions of the book.
3. Building Super Strong Bodies
4. There are no Rules
The cost of this workshop is $249 if you book online today. Any future webinars conducted virtually will be at a cost of $499 for the 6-hour course.
We will be in touch on available dates when you sign up.
Dr. Thomas J. Ianniello, D.C. has been in private practice in his Miller Place, NY healing center, North Isle Wellness Center, for over 25 years treating over 80,000 patients. He is a master clinician in the art of Nutrition Response Testing, a level reached by only 600 doctors globally. He has been personally trained by Dr. Leonard Coldwell, a leading alternative Cancer cure expert for 40 years. Dr. Ianniello is the author of Happily Ever Now, a self-empowering guide for today’s over-stressed women.
There is no doubt that we live in a fast-paced loud world. Radio, television, computer and cell phone generated videos, music services streamed right to our smartphones, crowds, kids playing, dogs barking, horns honking – do you ever just sit in silence?
If the answer is “no”, you may need to rethink your routine.
Noise is on a basic level – distraction.
The question becomes, what are we all distracting ourselves from?
Why do we feel the need to fill our days with all of this programming and entertainment? Can we no longer just simply “be”?
The act of deliberately sitting in silence and allowing yourself to simply be allows your mind and body to relax and more importantly actually tune in and hear your own inner thoughts. When this becomes a super relaxed state it can delve into meditation.
Meditation and even simply sitting in silence allows you to connect with your higher self. It allows the body, mind, and spirit to refocus. We all need this on a daily basis as it boosts not only your mood but your health and the overall state of being.
Use today as your test day. Just make note of how much noise you are really around, including random chatter. Tomorrow, now that you are aware, take some time to yourself and just allow yourself to sit, breathe and be if only for a few moments. Then compare the two days – at the end of each day checking in with yourself asking “How do I feel?”
Technology is wonderful, friends, family, life in general, but it also can wear down your internal battery.Taking time to yourself is not only important, it’s vital and many of us get so wrapped up in daily living that we sometimes overlook the most important person in our lives – ourselves.
I found myself today feeling down in the dumps. Looking at my bills and my overall financial picture and started in on the “if onlys”. The fact is that you can’t change past happenings or decisions. You can only go from here.
I feel bad because I don’t feel like I am where I “should be”. The question is, according to what or who? I know darn well that there are no accidents in life. You are always exactly where you are meant to be at any given moment.
As kids, from that perspective, we all believed that adults had it together. The truth is, almost no one really has it all together. I am even suspicious that there really is such a thing as an adult at all. What I see is everyone muddling through life, making the best decisions that they can and hoping for the best possible outcome.
With all of that said, this blah attitude I found myself in today made me realize my problem. It’s not that anything is wrong. It’s the perspective has shifted. Somehow, I have fallen out of Gratitude Mode. Rather than looking around and appreciating everything that I have in my world, I have gotten focused on the little bit of lack that is there.
This is a very dangerous slope to be on. Like attracts like and if you are focused on lack, more will be coming.
So, if you also see yourself in what you just read… take my advice I am giving myself and snap the hell out of it.
Ask yourself why you are making the decision you are… what is your motivation? Often we make snap decisions without really understanding the basis behind them. Take the time to understand what drives you and your choices.
When faced with a choice or decision, it often feels like the response should be immediate. Look before you leap is a wise old adage. Before reacting, just stop. Pause. Wait… simmer a bit. This helps you to remain at cause rather than ending up at the mercy of effect.
Practice articulating how you feel without placing blame on others. When you remain responsible for your choices and actions, you retain the power.
Mastering self-control is vital. Say “No” to yourself sometimes. Work on refusing temptations which do not benefit you, and especially any that could cause harm.
Or Devil’s Advocate – flip the script and see things from an opposing view. Sometimes this can help open your perspective or even strengthen the view already held.
Hold yourself accountable for your actions, flaws, mistakes and consequences of actions. Breaking agreements, even with yourself can be damaging to the psyche.
Enough with the negative self-talk!
Just stop it. Drop the critical commentary. Celebrate your wins and forgive yourself any perceived failures. Most failures are simply lessons – we learn and next time are better prepared.
Find a Mentor
Feedback is vital. Find someone whose opinion you respect and let them help guide you.
What is your body saying?
Are you aware of your body? Do you notice your own stance, posture, gate and hand gestures? What are the conveying to others? Simple things like standing up straight, meeting someone’s gaze or not crossing your arms gives you an aura of confidence and assurance. In turn, you tend to feel more that way as well.
What are your strong points, skills, gifts and talents? What are your weaker areas? Play to your strengths and minimize the weaknesses or if you are so inclined, work on them to become stronger.
Take an honest look at yourself on every level. Spiritual, emotional, mental, physical. Keep track of your progress as this is sure to change over time.
It can be a challenge to focus and quiet your mind, just start with something simple like 10 minutes a day. If thoughts come to your mind, brush them away and refocus. Tip: Guided meditation is easier for beginners than silence.
The perception of wealth has mistakenly become all about what we have and what we can get on a material level. True wealth is measured in richness of life and of the heart. It is boosted not by what we get but by what we give and whom we help.
You don’t have to be well off financially to give of yourself. In many social experiments it has been found that those who have the least tend to give the most because they know what it is like to go without.
A few years back I came across a book that I haven’t been able to forget. “29 Gifts – How a Month of Giving Can Change Your Life” by Cami Walker.
One month after her wedding day, 33-year-old Cami Walker was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, and the life she knew changed forever. Cami was soon in and out of L.A.’s emergency rooms with alarming frequency as she battled the neurological condition that left her barely able to walk and put enormous stress on her marriage. Each day brought new negative thoughts:
“I’m going to end up in a wheelchair… My life is over.
“Why did this have to happen to me?”
Then, as a remedy for her condition, Cami received an uncommon prescription from a friend, an African Medicine Woman named Mbali Creazzo. The prescription was simply to give away 29 gifts in 29 days.
“By giving,” Mbali told her, “you are focusing on what you have to offer others, inviting more abundance into your life.”
The gifts, she said, could be anything, but their giving had to be both authentic and mindful. At least one gift needed to be something she felt was scarce in her life.
Cami was amazed by what unfolded during her month-long journey. Not only did her state of mind improve but her health did as well.
I myself will be doing this challenge starting July 1st, 2015. I would like to invite you, our readers, to join me.
Gifts can be anything including a nice gesture – those are free and we never run out. This world needs more kindness. If we want the world to change, we have to start with ourselves.
Is natural health becoming more and more about ego and money as time progresses?
As people fall away from believing solely in western allopathic medicine more and more seeing the destruction long-term pharmaceutical use can cause they are turning, rightly, to nature for relief and healing.
It’s hard to know who to listen to.
With western “approved” medicine and medical treatments there was always the illusionary safety net of being able to depend on FDA approval, medical boards, and reputable doctors who graduated from well-known universities. But so many of those avenues have been contaminated no longer having humanities best interest at heart. Much of it has turned in favor of big pay offs and kick backs that people are now searching for alternative healers, body workers, doctors, speakers and writers who share information in order to ease their ailments rather than following traditional routes.
I think most of us can agree that the majority of those who get into Natural Health, Healing, Body Work, and even those that go to medical school do so because they want to help others to live happy health lives. It does seem though that with all of the contradictory informational confusion, especially with the invent of the internet combined with the desperation of those living in pain who search for help, healing and direction, an off shoot of what the market is producing is a certain percentage of high profile self promoting self proclaimed self help gurus whose main goal is padding their bank accounts.
Though much of the information coming forth is sound, there seems to be a growing emphasis on showmanship, ego and personal career boost vs. really helping the people they proclaim to want to help.
Time and time again it is feeling like the same story as a re-run with a different cast of characters. Scams are prevalent either with products that do not work as promised or even when the products do work or are of good information there are those that prey on others who are willing to fund, support and jump on their well intentioned band-wagons only to lose out in the end.
This makes it increasingly more difficult for those who are well intentioned and do business honestly and to get people to believe in them and what they are promoting, which often times could very likely help improve their quality of life, yet they may pass on an opportunity and miss out as the trust level is being degraded.
Becoming informed, aware, and knowledgeable about health is no small feet especially as more and more information comes to light on a daily basis with previous conceptions and misconceptions changing as well.
We as human beings are intricate puzzles. I fully believe that all health issues can be solved and healed if we work with our bodies rather than fighting against them. Finding the core issues and allowing healing is vital as the mental, emotional and spiritual manifests in the physical. Getting to a level where you not only understand this on an educational level but on a root level of core belief takes time, study, personal clearing and often investment in ones self.
When choosing to devote your life or energy towards a mission of helping others along their path to health of course you do deserve payment for your time and effort. It is work. As much as many of us would love to simply volunteer our time, talents and knowledge I do understand that we have bills to pay and lives to maintain just like everyone else. I am not saying it’s wrong to make money in your chosen field. Money is nothing but an energy exchange. It keeps Universal balance flowing.
So how do you tell the difference between someone who is genuine in their desire to help humanity and someone who has gotten wrapped up in their own ego and is in it for the attention and the money?
I wish I could give you an easy answer. Having been duped myself a couple of times the best advice I have is to listen to your intuition and your feelings. If something feels off or wrong, don’t push that aside. Never listen to anyone above your own inner voice no matter how persuasive they may be.
Along with that if you have become involved in something or with someone that you later find isn’t all that it was cracked up to be, stand up for yourself as well as others if you see an injustice taking place.
Greed, Money, and Ego have completely contaminated Western Medicine in our society….. Lets not allow the same thing to happen in the field of Natural Health.