The PAST: Many have had very painful and traumatic experiences. No one wants to go through that kind of stuff. (and I am very sorry for the suffering). The fact remains though that each experience in our lives has helped to shape who we are.
In order to gain full acceptance and love for ourselves, we have to be able to integrate the dark and the light.
There is not one person on this planet who has not suffered and though some are more extreme than others, pain isn’t up for comparison. We all experience pain differently. Pain is pain.
Hate, anger, resentment, even a want for revenge give your power away to whomever or whatever hurt you on an ongoing daily basis. The way to break free is to take that power back. You cannot change the past. You can only go from here. Shift your focus to the present because it is the ONLY time that ever exists.
Show yourself the love you may have been lacking. The respect, the care. It is time to take care of YOU.
Self-sabotage should be the last thing anyone does, but it’s the most likely! You’re invited to watch the AHA Process to End Self Sabotage and learn how to stop self-sabotaging behavior.
Please enter your email address and see the video instantly. You’ll also get free articles and tutorials with the iNLP Center newsletter.
This is the worst part of self-sabotaging behavior:
It’s so easy to justify.
…one argument, one trip to the fridge, one beer—and in the moment, they may even seem helpful. But like a river eroding away rocks, self-sabotage creates a Grand Canyon of self-defeat from which it’s hard to climb out.
~ Scientific American
Right? We slip into it without a second thought. In the heat of the moment, we want it. Self-sabotaging behaviors seem like the right thing to do at the time. It may even feel impossible to stop.
What is self-sabotage?
It’s when you get in your own way. And it’s hard to pin down.
Giving up on a goal
Obsessing about a goal
Not speaking up
Talking too much
Breaking a diet
They’re all self-sabotage. And none of them are. It all depends. And if you really want to get confused, try pinning down the points of view that sabotage you and create self-fulfilling prophecies.
Stopping self-sabotage requires starting somewhere. The AHA Process to End Self-Sabotage video is the first step. Please enter your email address below to get started. The only thing you have to lose is freedom, if you move on without giving the video a few moments. More than 100,000 people have watched it since 2014. We still get feedback from viewers every day. It’s powerful.
Why you should take notes on this video:
If you are self-sabotaging, get your notepad. Write down new insights during the video. Some have called it a missing link in mental health and personal development. That sounds over the top to us. Still,
How is the AHA Process different?
In a world of shallow promises and quick-fix techniques, real solutions are hard to find. Self-sabotage is not a shallow issue. The solution isn’t shallow either. Yet, we present the AHA Process in an easy-to-follow way. You’ll see the concept and hear some simple stories. And it can change your whole feeling about self-sabotage.
Have you ever changed when you learned something that never occurred to you? Take notes. You’re about to discover the “never occurred to you” of self-sabotaging thoughts and behavior.
7 More Self-Sabotage Resources (Most Are free)
You can get a free book on the hidden cause of self-sabotage. Your Achilles Eel: It’s a strange little book. Check it out. If you don’t like it, we’re sure you’ll agree it’s different!
2. Peter Michaelson’s website is full of unique insights. Peter was instrumental in teaching us the underpinnings of self-sabotaging behavior. We’ll always be grateful for his deep expertise and encouragement.
Without realizing it, we make inner choices to feel deprived or refused – or helpless, criticized, rejected, betrayed, or abandoned. Doing this defies common sense, but our unconscious mind operates on irrational, not rational, principles.
The underlying cause of self sabotage is a psychological attachment.
Here’s an important book unrelated to self sabotage. But M. Scott Peck’s view of discipline, love, and grace is essential to overcoming self-defeating behaviors. If you haven’t read The Road Less Traveled yet, now is the time!
Like the iNLP Center Facebook Page. This may be a shameless promotion, but you’ll get updates on new posts and research. We certify life coaches and teach Neuro-Linguistic Programming. Self-sabotage is a primary area of focus in our personal growth work.
Don’t give up. I searched for 20 frustrating years for the answer to a simple question:
Why don’t people (myself included) apply what they already know?
Thanks, Nike. You’re right. Do it.
“Yeah, but that’s the problem, isn’t it?” I would reply. “No one is just doing it!”
That got some laughs, and then…nothing. I never pushed further, but the questions plagued me. Why don’t I just do it? What’s wrong with me? Will it ever be different?
The AHA Process to End Self-Sabotage Has Answers
At long last, I understand why we don’t apply what we already know. When I get in my own way, I can get out. And I know how to handle not wanting to get out of my own way. The solution to self-sabotage has changed my life (no, I’m not perfect). I hope your life will change, too (but don’t expect perfection).
Join us and watch our free video. I’ve put too many forms on this page, so this is your last chance:) See you on the other side.
Releasing people from your life who are not good for you is a vital piece in being a well balanced happy emotionally healthy person. It is, however, not easy on any level a lot of the time.
How do you determine if someone is toxic to your life?
Toxic people create chaos in other people’s lives on a pretty consistent basis
They expect that you will deal with their drama without question – their problems are your problems
Your life gets put on the back burner in order to try and help them
They seem to switch from loving to angry easily and seemingly without reason. They are very unpredictable
Toxic people are manipulative. Their desired outcome is what matters to them
They refuse or are unable to admit responsibility for things that go wrong in their lives, always blaming others
They make you prove yourself to them over and over ie. “If you loved me… If you were really my friend…”
They never or rarely apologize even when blatantly wrong OR they do so in order to manipulate and continue right on with the same behavior anyway
They expect you to be there for every crisis but when you need them, the support isn’t available
Toxic people tend to exaggerate and draw you in
They are only supportive of you when it fits their own agenda
None of this is to say that these people do not love you in their own way or that you do not love them. Love, however, is not a valid reason to trap yourself in an emotionally draining or even abusive relationship or friendship.
We often mean to help these toxic friends or loved ones when what we are really doing is enabling the behaviors. Setting boundaries is healthy. If they do care about you, they will respect them.
Loving yourself means taking care of yourself. Sometimes taking care of yourself means saying no to other people’s drama, taking a step back and putting some distance between yourself and the other person. It doesn’t mean you don’t care or that you no longer love them. It means that it is time to value yourself and focus on your own life.
www.monarchwellness.net offers many groups as well as private classes and sessions to help get you focused on self-healing and wellness.
We all want the very best for friends and family. Many of us have a tendency to take on other people’s problems as if they were our own. We do it out of love, but ironically it can often lead to codependency in relationships as well as self-neglect. I speak from experience in this. My natural inclination in life has been to try and “save” the world, especially those closest to me. Unfortunately, I have found it just doesn’t work that way.
It is difficult to watch someone make, what you believe to be, bad decision after bad decision leading his or her life in a negative or non-progressing direction. We want to intervene, even at times – to grab them and shake them and say “what are you doing!?” and literally shove them in a better direction.
What we have to realize is that as much as we love or care about them that no one can make decisions for them. The only person who can rescue them… is them.
Why do I call Non-Attachment an art?
I call it an art because as easy as the concept is, it takes years, sometimes lifetimes to master.
It is easy to be jokingly callous and step back saying “Not my circus, not my monkeys”. But it’s heart wrenching and unnerving at times to pull back, relinquish the illusion of control, and simply allow that person and situation to be what it is and to work itself out.
Now in saying this I do not at all mean withdraw love or support.
A simple “I am still here and I love you.” Is one of the best statements of caring you can make to another person. There is no better gift than that of unconditional love. In that gift it allows the other person to know that it is ok to try – succeed or fail, you won’t think less of them and you will still be there.
This also allows you the mental and emotional space you need in order to take care of yourself. Getting lost in another person’s issues, regardless of love, is never healthy.
In order for anyone to reclaim their life and get it “Back on Track” that drive and power have to come from within. Owning responsibility for their decisions and their actions will lead them to a place of control and from that feeling of self empowerment comes both self esteem and the start of self love.
Written for: The Alberta Street News – Back on Track Column. Columnist: Sarah J. Barendse
Every day I read things from and hear people saying that they are working, striving, dreaming of attaining and reaching for… All of that is great…
What’s not great is that I also see in some a distinct feeling of not currently being enough, having enough and they aren’t happy.
Goals are wonderful and necessary. They are prized, valued and pushed for in our society. The problem is that goals are always future oriented. What about the here and now? It isn’t possible to live in the future anymore than it’s possible to live in the past.
The moment you truly appreciate yourself simply for the you-ness of you and that no one else could ever fill that role in this world, valuing yourself and your uniqueness – the perspective starts to shift.
Success isn’t about attaining anything other than a solid inner feeling of safety, security, self-love and as a result happiness.