Discordant Energy

While friends don’t always need to agree on everything there comes a point in many friendships where there just isn’t enough left in common to maintain the bond. Discord becomes the key element and you find yourself being off-put by that person’s energy rather than drawn in as you used to be. It doesn’t mean you don’t care about them anymore or that any love you had for them is gone, it does sometimes mean that you may both be better off moving on in life, separately.

Life is to be enjoyed harmoniously with the universe and with others. Anything that seems in opposition to that needs to be released for your own highest good as well as that of the other person.

Advertisements

Soul Mates – They aren’t what you think

When the term Soul Mate is depicted in movies and books most of the time it’s a romantic notion of someone finding their “other half”. The truth is, that is just silly. We aren’t half a person walking around nor are we just half a soul. 

Earth is a school of sorts. We choose to incarnate here in human form to learn, grow, expand and help others to do the same. We agree, pre-birth, to lessons taught and to be taught by us. We contract with other souls and form agreements. This includes relationships, family ties, friends, and some believe even animals get in on the act.

Our soul mates, yes I said mates with an “s”, will find us throughout our lives, when and only when we and they are ready. A soul mate may come in the form of a sister, a lover, a husband or wife, a father, or a friend. The connection is immediately felt. Many will remark soon after meeting that it feels like you have known one another forever, even though it has been a very short time. Essentially, your soul mates feel like “home”. They are sometimes also referred to as “soul group” or “soul family”.

But what about the romantic notion of Soul Mate love?

When “in love” with a soul mate on a romantic level it can be amazing. The connection is like nothing else you have ever experienced before. (Unless you are lucky enough to have encountered more than 1 soulmate- though each connection will be intense, no two will be the same).
Wait – What?

Yes, that is confusing. It is imagined that if you meet a soul mate, BAM that is it! You are together for life. Happily ever after. That isn’t always the purpose of your reunion.  Soul mate relationships are deep and filled with learning on both parts. They serve to jumpstart your growth on a soul level and act as a catalyst.

This can present itself in an endless number of ways I won’t even try and cover. Just know that when you encounter soul-level connections you will likely find yourself being tested as well as being more open to love than ever before. 


The story of “The Little Soul” is one of the best explanations of soul contracts I have come across.

I will have to slow down my vibration and become very heavy to do this not-so-nice thing.

I will have to pretend to be something very unlike myself. And so, I have but one favor to ask of you in return.

“Oh, anything, anything!” cried the Little Soul, and began to dance and sing, “I get to be forgiving, I get to be forgiving!”

Then the Little Soul saw that the Friendly Soul was remaining very quiet.

“What is it?” the Little Soul asked. “What can I do for you? You are such an angel to be willing to do this for me!”

“Of course this Friendly Soul is an angel!” God interrupted. “Everyone is! Always remember: I have sent you nothing but angels.

And so the Little Soul wanted more than ever to grant the Friendly Soul’s request.

“What can I do for you?” the Little Soul asked again.

“In the moment that I strike you and smite you,” the Friendly Soul replied, “in the moment that I do the worst to you that you could possible imagine ~ in that very moment…”

“Yes?” the Little Soul interrupted, “yes…?”

“Remember Who I Really Am.”

“Oh, I will!” cried the Little Soul, “I promise! I will always remember you as I see you right here, right now!”

“Good,” said the Friendly Soul, “because, you see, I will have been pretending so hard, I will have forgotten myself. And if you do not remember me as I really am, I may not be able to remember for a very long time. And if I forget Who I Am, you may even forget Who You Are, and we will both be lost. Then we will need another soul to come along and remind us both of Who We Are.”

“No, we won’t!” the Little Soul promised again. “I will remember you! And I will thank you for bringing me this gift ~ the chance to experience myself as Who I Am.”

~The Little Soul and the Sun. A Children’s Parable Adapted from Conversations with God~


There is an awful lot that comes into play as to why souls will reincarnate with one another. Past karma (good or bad) to be worked out, things left unresolved, vows made or broken, or sometimes if you are really lucky, simply out of pure love. – and remember that behind all of these the motivation is always love. Sometimes there is hurt, anger, resentment, and more to be worked out as well, but under that is love. That is what souls are on an energetic level and what we are all working to get back to.

If you meet a soul mate or are lucky enough to be born into a family with one be ready for a wonderful, sometimes tumultuous wild ride. Lessons are ripe for learning and they don’t get dropped till we pass our tests.

The best advice I have is from practical application over the years. FEEL with your heart always over listening to your MIND. Your soul knows whats right and whats best for you. We just have a hard time listening sometimes.

Can your soul mate be your life partner? Sure! I just wanted to clarify the point that not every soul mate will be your life partner. They also come in other shapes and sizes, colors and flavors… If you feel a soul level connection with someone, it is likely that you are correct. Love and appreciate them accordingly. 


Need a reading done? 

It isn’t easy to know who is and who isn’t the real deal when it comes to readings. I can tell you first hand that Joanne Leo is the very best. HIGHLY personally recommend! <3

Reach her on FB: https://www.facebook.com/joanne.leo.186
OR
On the web: www.psychicjoanneleo.com
OR
By calling: 727-743-3400

 

 

 

 

The Best Apology is Changed Behavior

We are human. It is bound to happen in life that each of us will make a mistake that will in some way hurt another person. Once we realize it has been an error on our part that has caused the damage if there is any hope to repair it an apology and amends need to be made.

 

Saying you are sorry and actively meaning it, having learned from the situation, are two entirely different things.

 

What’s the difference?

 

It isn’t all that difficult to utter the words “I’m sorry” for most people. The problem becomes when, though they do feel regret in hurting you, they often times revert right back to what they were doing once forgiven. It can become a pattern.

 

The best apology is changed behavior.

What is difficult at times is changing the behavior behind the event so that the apology is validated by the resolve never to repeat it again. Only then is true healing on both parts possible.

 

Open communication on both parts is vital to bridge damaged friendships and relationships. We know it is not always easy and sometimes can benefit from working with a facilitator to act as a third party mediator. Monarch Wellness offers professional counseling services right here in Naples, FL. To learn more please visit http://monarchwellness.net/physchotherapy-counseling/

Originally Posted: http://monarchwellness.net/2017/04/the-best-apology/

Do you have friends or just acquaintances?

In the day and age of social media where you can “add a friend” in a mere click, how do you distinguish the difference between an actual friend and someone who is just an acquaintance?

 

That line is blurry for many. Friend collecting has become a virtual popularity contest. Facebook limits you to 5000 friends, though the number of followers you can have is endless. Say you reach that limit. Of those 5000 people, how many do you know in person? How many do you even recognize their names?

 

Not to say that social media cannot result in making genuine connections, it can. But this begs the deeper question.

 

What is an acquaintance?

 

An acquaintance is someone you have met in passing. You do not know them very well and haven’t made a particularly deep or solid connection. They are a surface level version of a friend.

 

What is a friend?

 

  • A friend is someone who you enjoy spending time with, who you relate well to, you feel a connection with and whom you have things in common.
  • A friend is someone you can confide in and trust.
  • A friend is someone who genuinely cares about you and your wellbeing.
  • A friend is someone who isn’t motivated selfishly in their intent who has your best interest at heart.
  • A friend will defend you to others.
  • A friend will speak well of you behind your back just as they would directly to you.
  • A friend is someone with whom you can be yourself completely.
  • A friend values your friendship and you theirs. There is mutual respect.
  • A friendship is a two-way street, it is balanced in giving and receiving.

 

When you find a true friend, value them. Be good to them. Treat them as you would like to be treated. When this is done on both parts, that friendship can last a lifetime.

 

Real life friends aren’t made in a single click, it takes time. Acquaintances come and go, but true friendship is to be valued and cherished.

 

Visit www.monarchwellness.com for more blogs on friendship, relationships, happiness, life, yoga, therapy, healing, as well as local events – Monarch Wellness is a wonderful local resource for bringing the community of like-minded individuals together. That is how friendships often start.

Originally Published: http://monarchwellness.net/2017/04/do-you-have-friends-or-just-acquaintances/

Severed Connections

Love is the strongest bond and the highest vibratory level. During the course of our lifetime, we have encounters and form relationships with many different people. This includes family, friends, and lovers. All of them are loved in their own way.

The list of reasons relationships may come to an end is virtually endless and incredibly personal. Sometimes separation is unavoidable, however painful. No two relationships are the same as no two humans are the same, therefore what you experience with someone will be unlike anything that can be replicated.

Though you may miss the cherished connection you had, life circumstances and behavior may dictate that divide stand. Life continues, down two separate paths. The question remains, is that love ever really gone?

It has been said there is a fine line between love and hate. The real dichotomy would be love and indifference. Both love and hate are strong emotions, whether you push or pull against something you are giving it attention and in turn, keeping it anchored in your mind and in your life.

Sometimes it is just plain hard to really let go even when you truly believe it is in your own best interest and possibly even the best interest of the other person.

Letting go doesn’t have to mean the relinquishing of the love you feel for that person. Loving another person unconditionally means true acceptance on every level, even when there may not be “like” or tolerance left, there still can be love.

Allow it to be, try to appreciate it for what it is, and do your best to switch focus to the positive working aspects of your life and the people are you choosing to stay in the cast of characters that is your life.

Monarch Wellness offers sessions and classes that can help you to let go of the past and on to living a fuller more joyful life. Visit www.monarchwellness.net to learn more or sign up.

Originally Posted: http://monarchwellness.net/2017/03/severed-connections/

Relinquishing the need to save others

It is the human condition to want to help. It is kind and proper to do your best to be good to others. It is in everyone’s best interest. – Or, is it?

Helping others helps our humanity. We feel good when we truly perform gestures of kindness. The problem comes in when that kindness is taken advantage of. When you end up with certain individuals in your life that come to expect you to constantly help. They can begin to cross that line from needing an occasional favor to needing and worse expecting you to be there at the drop of the hat every time something goes wrong.

You become their lifeline, their knight in shining armor.

It can be time-consuming, emotionally draining, physically draining, and even push the limits of their life taking time away from and precedence over your own. Learning to say “no” becomes vital to your own wellbeing. The problem is that with these types of friendships or relationships along with saying “no”, often comes guilt. You want the best for that person and it was in your realm of possibility to help them (again). But this time you didn’t. How do you justify that? – Not to them, but to yourself.

It is important to think about things from a different perspective. When it is all about them, yes the perspective is “feel bad” “you should have helped”. But in reality how good of a friend is that person being to you by expecting you to help take care of their life issues all of the time? Is that kind on their part, is it thoughtful, does it take into account your feelings?

The answer is No.

The best way to keep balance in any friendship or relationship is to establish balance and boundaries. When it’s all give and no take on one side the energy and the friendship are not balanced. Constantly trying to save someone, no matter how much you love them not only wears you out, it actually disempowers that person.

If you need to regain some balance back in your life Monarch Wellness can help. We offer a wide array of classes and one on one sessions. Please visit www.monarchwellness.net to learn more or schedule.

Originally posted: http://monarchwellness.net/2017/03/relinquishing-the-need-to-save-others/

Facebook Friends Aren’t “Real” Friends..

Online Friends Aren’t “Real” Friends…

I have heard this time and time again and frankly? I simply do not believe that to be true.
Over the years I have met, online through various sites, likely a couple of thousand people in person. Only a very very few weren’t just as they seemed online. There are many more of you I would love to meet offline at some point. Some of you I have become so enamored with that I have kept you for nearly 2 decades now and I fully believe that we will be friends for life. (you all know who you are 😉 )


I currently have nearly 5,000 friends on Facebook.
It has been a weeding process for sure, but what in life isn’t a process of trial and error?
Even some that haven’t made the cut have ended up as entertainment for myself and in turn for those who read my wall.
There are no accidents. We come in contact with, meet and converse with and yes, even become friends with those who we are supposed to in the grand scheme of things on a Universal level.


We are living in an unprecedented time of open world wide communication. Never before in history have we been able to befriend someone half way around the world and keep in touch with them in real time. Go by how you feel. If you have a connection with someone, don’t let anyone tell you that isn’t real. Talking with and befriending people in person or other wise always leads to an enriched life and view of the world.


Chat away people! Facebook is fun, allows you to be creative and is far cheaper than therapy! LOL


Sincerely,
Sarah

The Art of Non-Attachment

We all want the very best for friends and family. Many of us have a tendency to take on other people’s problems as if they were our own. We do it out of love, but ironically it can often lead to codependency in relationships as well as self-neglect. I speak from experience in this. My natural inclination in life has been to try and “save” the world, especially those closest to me. Unfortunately, I have found it just doesn’t work that way.

 

It is difficult to watch someone make, what you believe to be, bad decision after bad decision leading his or her life in a negative or non-progressing direction. We want to intervene, even at times – to grab them and shake them and say “what are you doing!?” and literally shove them in a better direction.

 

What we have to realize is that as much as we love or care about them that no one can make decisions for them. The only person who can rescue them… is them.

 

Why do I call Non-Attachment an art?

 

I call it an art because as easy as the concept is, it takes years, sometimes lifetimes to master.

 

It is easy to be jokingly callous and step back saying “Not my circus, not my monkeys”. But it’s heart wrenching and unnerving at times to pull back, relinquish the illusion of control, and simply allow that person and situation to be what it is and to work itself out.

Now in saying this I do not at all mean withdraw love or support.

A simple “I am still here and I love you.” Is one of the best statements of caring you can make to another person. There is no better gift than that of unconditional love. In that gift it allows the other person to know that it is ok to try – succeed or fail, you won’t think less of them and you will still be there.

 

This also allows you the mental and emotional space you need in order to take care of yourself. Getting lost in another person’s issues, regardless of love, is never healthy.

 

In order for anyone to reclaim their life and get it “Back on Track” that drive and power have to come from within. Owning responsibility for their decisions and their actions will lead them to a place of control and from that feeling of self empowerment comes both self esteem and the start of self love.

Written for: The Alberta Street News – Back on Track Column. Columnist: Sarah J. Barendse

Love of Truth – Born of Lies

Some of you over the years who are close to me may have heard this story. Now that it’s in the past – It is a colorful story….. Wasn’t so fun to go through at the time….. A little insight as to why I am the way I am….



Young, in love and stupid – I got married at 18.

Pete was in the Air Force at the time. Our relationship was tumultuous. It was good or bad and not much in between. A lot of the time there was misunderstanding, half-truths and full on secrets. Much of the time I felt like I was losing my mind because life would make no sense with him.

Growing up in Vermont with parents who were both very open honest people and in a town where values and morals were a basis for life I had never experienced anyone who lied compulsively and therefore took everyone for honest. I was naive to say the least.

The lies started before we were even married. While I was still in Vermont, he was stationed in California. He told me that he was being deployed to Somalia. Being the loving caring girlfriend that I was, I was worried sick. He would call when he could and my heart would jump into my throat when the phone would ring. Then one call, he said he had been shot and was being sent home. I was both sick to my stomach and relived that he was alive and going back to the USA.

When I graduated from High School, I moved to CA to be with him. We were married shortly after. At first things were wonderful, as they usually are in the very beginning of a relationship. Then strange little things began to pop up and life began making less and less sense.

He wasn’t like anyone else I had ever been around. He was evasive, secretive, moody, explosive, non-sensical and sometimes just plain weird. I loved him though and I wanted it to work. I tried to bend and compromise. Things would go through fluctuations – good for a while, then more fighting.

After two years of this in two states (we had moved from CA back to VT after he received a dishonorable discharge from the Air Force which stemmed from an innate inability to tell the truth to his superior officers even when faced head on with the facts). I was ready to leave. I had had enough. His mind games had him hiding bills from me charged on my credit cards without permission, writing checks we didn’t have money for and telling me he had told me things he hadn’t in an effort to make me think I was losing my memory – and I did believe that for a while.

Though we lived in the same house out of financial necessity for the time being, I was more than ready to walk out and call it quits.

Right around this time he became ill. Upon going to the hospital they told him that his stomach issues could be Crones Disease or possibly stomach cancer. Right inline with his nature of solitude he said he did not wish for me to go to the doctor with him. I respected that as we were not getting along very well and I know when I am sick, I really just prefer to be left alone.

The diagnosis, he said, was cancer.  Stomach cancer – and a rare form of it at that.

I felt my world drop right out from under me in that instant. Though I didn’t much like Peter at this time anymore, I of course still loved him. He was my husband.

Fear gripped my heart and I couldn’t breathe. Not just at the thought of him dying but at the thought that I was now stuck. I couldn’t simply walk away and leave him now. Not like this. He wasn’t a strong soul to start with and this, all alone, would be too much for him. I have some blank spots in my memory from this time. It was a lot for a girl of 20 to deal with, the distinct possibility of becoming a widow before I was even allowed to drink legally.

He did not have health insurance at the time, though I did through work. Thankfully he said they were accepting him in to a study. It was an experimental treatment sponsored by Onyx Pharmaceuticals, a prestigious drug company.

I was thankful for this and for the fact that he would be able to get help.

Resigned to this new, really screwed up reality, I backed off on the divorce and decided for the sake of his health to try again to make things work.

He became more and more frail, dropping from a pretty well built 185 or so down to around 130… a shell of what he was – physically as well as emotionally and mentally. He was very hard to deal with. Sick daily, I felt terrible for him. I tried everything I could to make him feel better. Shoving away any of my own needs and life in the process.

After all, how could I ever leave a dying man? What kind of monster does that?

We moved to Florida for three reasons: to be closer to his father, to do the Onyx Pharmaceutical Sponsored treatments and in hopes that the warm weather and sun would make him (and me) feel better. It did for a while. We loved Florida. The problem is, wherever you go – there you are. Our fighting followed us, increasing over time to the point we really didn’t like to be in the same room.

The treatments were horrible and really hard on him. He would describe the tubes inserted down his throat and into his stomach for the chemotherapy and would come home and be incredibly sick for hours on end. It looked excruciating. He never wanted me to go with him or around him right afterwards and I respected that. Being that sick I felt If it was me I likely would not want anyone seeing me that way either. So I gave him his space as much as I could with it.

Living in a new place I wanted to venture out. I needed friends besides Peter. It didn’t take me too long to find them. Pete also had found a girlfriend. I was actually thankful for her… anything to keep him occupied at that point and us apart was good. Her and I got along quite well and as things began to escalate between Peter and I in so far as fighting she ultimately was my savoir.

I tried to invite Pete into my new circle of friends, but he wouldn’t leave the house and wanted nothing to do with them. He wanted me to sit and wallow and waste away with him and I just wouldn’t/couldn’t do it anymore.

I stopped home one day to get something and there he was again, in the bathroom throwing up… which of course the natural reaction is to go in, and help and do what you can to make them feel better.

The negativity emanating from him was palpable… He wasn’t simply physically sick, he was clearly emotionally and mentally ill. Grasping at me like a life raft. Something inside of me just snapped.

I stood there looking at this man. A man I once loved with all of my heart and thought I would spend the rest of my life with. That man was not there anymore. I’m not sure that man was ever real to begin with. In his place was a sad, weak, tortured soul who was sucking the very life out of me. It was like I was seeing through the layers to the pure simple truth of what was.

The only words I could manage to squeeze out of my lips were

“I love you Pete………and I’m so sorry…. I can’t stay any longer”.

We stared at one another for what seemed an eternity in silence. He looked at me like I had just stuck a sword through his heart.

I was about to do the one thing I swore I never would. Leave a dying man. I felt horrible. I knew though that if I choose to stay it wasn’t going to be just him experiencing a death. I was dying inside watching on the sidelines, helpless in all of this.

I had no idea when the words popped out of my mouth where I thought I was going. I just knew that I couldn’t stay. Having moved very recently I didn’t know hardly anyone. Lisa, his girlfriend, let me stay with her till I could afford my own apartment. I will forever be grateful to her for that.

When I left, he became suicidal. He had gone through with an attempt once before a year or so prior, so I knew he likely wasn’t just trying to get attention. I also knew that despite my natural urge to want to help, this time it couldn’t come from me.

Lisa tried to go over to the apartment to talk to him, but he had a loaded gun and with his mental state she didn’t feel safe in staying with him. In trying to decide what to do we didn’t want to call the police because that frankly would not help anything. We decided to try and call his doctor.

This is when the real fun began.

I called the hospital where he had been going for treatment and asked to speak with his doctor. I got bounced around from station to station only to be finally told that there was no doctor by that name that worked with their hospital. I was totally confused. I was sure there was some kind of mistake as he had been going now for well over a year. The only other thing I could think to do was call Onyx Pharmaceuticals directly and see if they could help me work out who I needed to talk to.

So in looking up the number for Onyx Pharmaceuticals I called and spoke with someone there. They had of course heard of and knew his doctor. I breathed a sigh of relief that finally something was making sense.

That feeling was fleeting.

The next words out of the receptionist’s mouth changed everything. 

She said “I am sorry, but that doctor is a PhD in our research department not an M.D…. he doesn’t treat patients directly and he is not located in Florida.”……….

My whole body went numb and I swear the room began to spin.

“Can you please look up my husband’s name?” I asked, “He has been participating in your study.”

She agreed and I held my breath as she clicked away on the keyboard.

“No, I’m sorry. He is not on our list of patients”.

 

And there I had it.
There was no doctor.
There was no study.
There were no treatments.
There was no cancer.

 

2 Years of my life had been a completely fabricated lie.

 

He may not have been dying of cancer, but at that point I was ready to kill him myself. It is the single most hurt and most angry I have ever been at another human being in my entire life. I had ignored my feelings and my intuition for far to long, pushing down how I felt in favor of helping him…..
Reaching my boiling point and finally listening to my own higher self and following my intuition, finally – it had lead me to the painful truth.

 

He had lied to keep me with him.

 

I had spent 2 years of my life going against everything I felt in my heart in order to try and save him- both physically and emotionally.

 

The problem is – you cannot save anyone, especially from themselves.

 

The days, months and years after that came and went. Life changed for the better for the both of us. He was now forced to live in truth and make amends to everyone he had hurt with his lies.

The count was numerous – friends, family, even his father who had watched his mother wither away and die of cancer. To me that was the most unforgivable of all. To make his dad, a kind hearted loving man, who lost the love of his life to cancer believe that his son was now suffering the same fate. Cruel.

 

Karma stepped in years later. Peter ended up being the sole care provider for his dad, whom he loved, as he also died of cancer.

 

Peter and I, over time, made amends and were able to bridge a friendship based on the fact that he was getting help and making progress on his mental illness, which had now been diagnosed as Borderline Personality Disorder.

People were always shocked that I was able to speak to him, let alone be friends after what had happened. I believe in forgiveness. I did my best to forgive him for what he had done.

 

That was until recent years. Over the years  (our relationship and friendship had spanned over 20) every time he needed me as a friend I was there. Every time. Even loaning him multiple thousands of dollars when his father died as the will was stuck in probate. The one and only time I ever asked him for anything, he put off answering me for 6 days, despite being able to see his check in statuses online – going out to dinner with friends and such, until I finally just lost it and wrote him a email telling him what a bad friend he was being. His reaction was to delete and block me and stop talking to me entirely. Over one well deserved email… an email……………. After what he put me though.

I was furious and I have not spoken to him since.

In a very interesting turn of events his new girlfriend contacted me on Facebook asking me what had happened for Peter and I to break up.

Such a huge question…….. I asked was she really sure that she wanted to hear the whole story? She said she needed to.

 

She was dumbfounded. Not because it was outlandish, but because she now knew she wasn’t going crazy. His behavior patterns with me were duplicating themselves again with her. She was appalled at the cancer story.

 

Not three days later I get a message from her “You will not believe this…”
I responded back only to find out that after hearing what happened with us she sat him down and was trying to confront him on some of his bullshit, and what did he say?

You guessed it.
Once again…. He was diagnosed and dying of cancer….

Only THIS time, the reaction wasn’t “Oh poor Pete!”

It was “I talked to Sarah……………………………………”

I’m quite sure when she uttered those words he likely just about shit himself.

 

When she told me this I felt all the old buried rage and emotion I thought I had forgiven come bubbling back to the surface.

HOW could he think he was going to pull that crap again?!

I sat down and as calmly and focused as I could, wrote him a letter….

 


Dear Pete,

So… Where shall I begin?

I hear you are dying of fake cancer once again.

I’m so sorry, I know those fake treatments are a bitch to take.

So as you know by now, your girlfriend was lucky enough to talk to me before you tried to pull your bullshit scam once again.

Talk about timing… God is real Peter.

Not he nor I will allow you to do this to another group of people again.

You can call me “lying bitch” as you had so eloquently called me if you like, I prefer the term Karmic helper myself.

I cannot believe I was so stupid to believe you had changed.

To forgive you after what you did to me.

You are still on same circling karmic wheel unable to face yourself and jump off.

Truth, for whatever reason, scares the shit out of you.

For someone who has aligned himself so closely with a church to be living such a lie, I cannot even imagine how out of synch you must feel on a daily basis.

You are being a gigantic hypocrite and a coward.

Standing is the light MEANS speaking your truth, however painful.

NOT covering and lying to protect status quo that isn’t even anything more than illusion in the first place.

Will you ever dare to be yourself?

Under all of this layered bullshit I KNOW there IS a good man in there, but that really makes no difference because that guy? Isn’t seeing the light of day.

YOU wont allow him to.

You have two little kids who NEED a father they can look up to.

Not some enigma of a man who tells half-truths and stories hiding in the shadows because life is too tough.

I went on pure instinct when I stopped talking to you.

Year after year I helped you whenever you needed it for what, 20+ years?

The one and only time I ever have asked you for anything – you couldn’t even call me back………for 6 days!

You couldn’t take 5 minutes to pick up a phone and talk to me.

It wasn’t the money Pete. It was the fact that you could not get out of your own way enough to give a shit about the one person who stood by you through everything and despite everything.

You fucked up my world. You wasted years of my life living lie after lie.

I will not watch you do that again to other people.

Don’t doubt me.

Straighten your shit out…. Or expect to see me.

Sarah

 


 

She said when he read it; he closed the laptop, stood up quietly and locked himself in the bedroom for 3 days. So far as I know, he has not pursued telling people that story again.

 

He did message me once after that looking for someone he trusted to talk to.

My only response was “you have to be kidding me…”


I know that everything happens as it should and for a reason. I learned a lot very young because of this relationship. I was also very deeply wounded because of it and am on some levels, even now all these years later,  still healing.

Trust, lies, love, truth vs. illusion, motivations, secrets, fear, death, life – all wrapped up into one big fucked up ball.

 

(Oh and to clarify one of the first paragraphs in this story? – Turns out he was never stationed in Somalia and never shot.)

 

But incase anyone ever wondered why I am such a staunch supporter of speaking and living in your truth…. There you have it.